Narcissist regards your love as a weakness, a vulnerability
he can exploit and leverage to obtain supply, sex, and services and, if he is a
sadist, to hurt you.
Women escalate and fail to get a rise out of him: he doesn’t
mind or care.
The narcissist grieves the shared fantasy not you: his sunk
cost (investment) and the inconvenience of having to start all over again. His
mourning is aggressive and closer to fury that to pain and sadness.
Women are the only ones who can mortify the narcissist
because he reframes their cheating and betrayal as total rejection of his
entire being in every possible role (man, lover, companion, guru, husband,
father, even provider). Men reject only specific functions and roles that the
narcissist fails in (business partner, collaborator, friend).
Grooming and love bombing (including false promises)
Shared fantasy leads to narcissistic abuse type 1, intended
to test the parental capacity of the partner and reenact early childhood
conflicts with the narcissist's parents
Women cheat or betray discreetly, withdraw leads to
OR Women bargain and demand leads to narcissistic abuse type 2
(aimed at jettisoning the partner)
Women cheat ostentatiously, abandon
The narcissist reframes from internal to external
mortification and back (vacillating mortification).
Reason for vacillation: shared fantasy is ego syntonic and he
feels wronged while the bargaining phase is ego dystonic and he feel that he is
in the wrong. The narcissist vacillates between an internal cognitive
mortification (I am bad, evil, and rejecting) and an external emotional one (I
experience my partner or others as bad, evil, and rejecting).
There is a kernel of truth in both mortifications.
In reality, women do reject, humiliate, and abandon the
narcissist as a way to exit the shared fantasy or end the bargaining. It
renders the external mortification plausible. But the truth is that women
misbehave this way reactively, after he had rejected and abused them
Following his abuse and rejection during the shared fantasy,
the narcissist stalks women.
During the bargaining phase he continues to abuse them in
order to push them to cheat on him or betray him ostentatiously and thus dump
This allows him to: (shared fantasy) 1. Reenact the early
conflict with my mother; 2. Help him revert to external mortification by
rendering it somewhat more grounded in reality; (bargaining) 3. Get rid of his
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: